Seren
I lost my baby, Quincy, today. He was a 4 year old Newfoundland. He was my due North, my studio partner, my long drive buddy, my friend. He was a good dog and a major part of my family. My husband and I always knew we would have to make a choice when to put him down, but we were not ready to do it today. I hold the breeder accountable for Q's over breeding...the terrible hips, the soft shoulders, the rashes, bad ears. Those damn breeders took our money and ran, offering to send us a new dog ...why would I want another over-bred, sick dog...if it's not my Baby!!!! I still hear her shitty little voice telling me to "...just send the critter back". Fuck you, you Bitch! (Sorry.)
Quince, if you can hear me...look for Uncle Larry. You never met him, but he loved big dogs and he loved me. There, I bet he's healthy and young again -- he looks like my Poppa, but super tall, more football player than wrestler like Pop. Larry will look after you until I can get there.
Keep chasing the rabbits, maybe where you are now...you'll be able to catch one or two -- I know you didn't want to hurt them, just play. Ha ha ha! Look for Shogun too. He's a big, long-haired Akita (black and white). He'll be into prowling in the woods and people watching...or Cimmaron, an extra long German Shepard Mix -- he was a lay-on-the-couch-in-the-sun kinda dog and will probably be swiping sandwiches there just like he did here. Momma loves all her dogs , though they left too soon as well. They will show you the ropes and keep you company. I know you'll be OK if you stick together.
Lastly...Quince, if you can find your way to my dreams, I'll be waiting for you.
I'm sorry I wasn't with you today; that I was here in LA and not with you and Daddy...but, if you can find your way back...if we could just 
spend one more day in the studio...laying on the floor, eating Cheese Puffs...it could be good again. Just you and me, pastel chalk dancing in the afternoon sunlight, two Puffs for you...two Puffs for me.
I miss you, Q.
Reader Comments (12)
I'm actually glad I'm here in California because I'm not sure I would be able to function at home without him. Yes, it all sounds very dramatic, but he meant so much to me. I've been crying so much off and on during the day, that when I finally fall into bed I'm so tired I can't dream. I can't conjure him and that makes my heart hurt even more.
I know this will pass, but right now...I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Let me just say this, your allowing Q to move into that realm where he will be healed for always, by making that decision for him, that was the most selfless and brave action. And the last act of true love you could give him. And he is blessed to have had those years with you. Allow yourself as much time to grieve as you need.
Bless you all. Krissie in UK
If anyone thinks of it, you could maybe send me a picture of your loved pets. I am far from home and don't have many friends here outside of work...and I don't share this sort of thing with people at work...so if anyone want to send me a pet pic...or some artwork of their fuzzy loved ones, that would really help. Or even just email a favorite memory.
I didn't think it would be this hard...no one said it would be THIS hard!
I admit, the guilt has been the worst. Not being there for his last moments haunts me...taunts me. I am not an artist that works well when distraught or upset, so no work has been done. But, it seems, I may be rebounding. I'm back to journalling and feel the need for color again. I still missing Q, but at least I don't ALWAYS cry when I think of him.
I actually watched our favorite movie the other night, Must Love Dogs. He and I liked Mother Teresa, the chocolate newfie in the movie...plus John Cusack is perfect in that flick! The dog in that film has such simliar characteristics to Q!
Well, just an update...along with all the others that will happen today on the blog.
Give your critters lots of love from me today...an extra treat...a long walk...two big hugs...I'm finally on the mend and that is a very good thing!
I've lost my fair share of babies, though, and I really, really feel for you. Your baby looks like a sweet one, and he left too soon. So sorry